No matter how far you are in your celiac journey, accepting food that you did not personally prepare can be stressful (AF, if we are being COMPLETELY honest here.) You want to trust that people are doing their best to protect you. If you have a great family dynamic, THEY ARE doing their best to protect you. That being said, if you do not live with celiac and its massive restrictions on a daily basis, it can be very difficult to understand how difficult it is to be safe.
My family is, unique, to be honest. We gather together for Sunday dinner weekly after church, and have a fairly large group (great grandmas, grandparents, uncles, aunts, cousins, siblings, children… you get the idea.) Recently my nuclear family relocated too far to come to dinner weekly, and tomorrow brings my first event in months.
With so many different family members, there are different levels of understanding about what Celiac is and just how careful I have to be with my food. Some take it very seriously, and others don’t understand. I educate at times, but that is not the focus of our gatherings, and I do not enjoy being singled out because I’m different, at least not for celiac.
Here are six ways to help alleviate the stress behind eating at family gatherings.
1. Volunteer to Host
This is the easiest way to guarantee safe foods and a safe kitchen. You can lead the menu planning in a few ways. My family does a potluck style traditionally, with everyone signing up to bring something to help. If I host, I can take charge of everything and simply request people pitch in cash toward the meal, or other items that I don’t worry about contaminating my food (paper goods, beverages, cake that I won’t mind not eating, fruit or veggie platter I am 90% sure I can trust.) You can also choose specific people you trust to prepare dishes to contribute but be aware that people may feel slighted if you don’t choose them to cook and only trust them with paper goods.
2. Bring a Safe and Satisfying Dish to Pass
Before we moved away, I would make a point to prepare something delicious and hearty to share at each family gathering. Something that would allow me to feel satiated if nothing else was available for me and also showed others that gluten free doesn’t have to mean cardboard. This worked well with our set up because we’ve always ran potluck style. For future gatherings, when I have more time to plan, I can resume bringing dishes to pass.
3. Don’t be Afraid to Ask for Brands and Labels
“There’s Spanish rice on the stove if you would like to help yourself!” A heartfelt, honest offering of a dish that sounds like it should be gluten free. My family knows that I will follow up on an offering with a, “hey, do you remember what brand you used for that?” and is usually prepared with not only a verbal answer, but an empty package. In this example, the rice had vermicelli, so it was not gluten free. I politely passed and explained that prepared rice packs can be tricky and label reading takes time. I then mentioned a brand that I usually have luck with having obvious GF labelling. No harm, no foul.
4. Get in the Front of the Line
Now, I do my best to not skip the guest of honor (who feels right skipping grandma on her 79th birthday? Not me,) but I do make a point to get in the serving line quickly. My children deal with my disease daily and know how to make their plates without cross contamination (and to alert if they see a mistake,) but this is not commonplace for my extended family. After determining what is safe for me to eat, I make sure to get in line as close to the front as possible and keep my eyes on those in front of me.
5. Be Prepared to be Disappointed
Not every meal together is going to work out celiac safe. Sometimes it’s little Jimmy’s birthday and it is just a gluten parade. AND THAT’S OKAY! When I know in advance that the meal or the plan is not going to work for me, I bring my own plate. For example, we came into town this weekend last minute for a funeral. I’m not sure how it will work out, the menu is set, and I’m not super comfortable with the common grill. Rather than making a fuss about it, I’m simply grabbing one of my freezer meals I have prepared and plan to eat that instead of the grilled meal. I do not have access to a kitchen this weekend, so I am contributing monetarily to the group meal that my kids will enjoy. Perhaps there will be some chips or veggies I add to my plate, but I will be good with my packed meal if not.
6. Remember What the Gathering is Truly About
While the name, “Family Dinner” seems to have major emphasis on the ‘dinner’ portion, I choose to focus on the ‘family.’ Yes, gathering around the table sharing a meal is a wonderful experience, but the company can take the focus over the meal. I have sat at a gathering hungry because I was not prepared to be disappointed. But you know what? I didn’t actually starve. I survived the couple hours until we were done, and I could get home to my refrigerator. Goodness, I even found pleasure in the conversation around me as I sipped my lemon water. Remember why you are truly gathered and that if this specific dinner leaves something to be desired, that there is time to prepare for the next one.
It is a blessing to be able to spend time with family, gathering around the table, discussing our lives. I hope these tips make it easier for you to focus on the blessing, rather than the stress that comes with eating away from home. Which did you find most helpful?